Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo

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(404): View more from Georgia

Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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(303): View more from Colorado

Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds

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(864): View more from South Carolina

she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual

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(651): View more from Minnesota

2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people

(763): View more from Minnesota

and u failed math?

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(734): View more from Michigan

it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party

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(763): View more from Minnesota

chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days

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(720): View more from Colorado

Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator

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