At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
