Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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