Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
