something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
