I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
