Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
