Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
