Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
