I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
