Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
