Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
