I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
