She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
