she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
