Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
