does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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