So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
