MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
