Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
