I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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