I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
