Have you finally orgasmed yet?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
