Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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