True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
