my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
