So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
