this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize