just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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