If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
