Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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