From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
