Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
