I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
