I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I AM VODKA MAN
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
