DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
