I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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