i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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