Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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