it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
