We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
