forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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