this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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