I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
