I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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