Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
