Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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