please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
