I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He? As in you personified your dick?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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