I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
