wakey wakey hands off snakey
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize