Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
