That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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