i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
