She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
