the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
