Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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