Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
