M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
