I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
