And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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