Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
