new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will pee on everything he values.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
