Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
